Duck Terrorizes Villagers
One of the ducks in the river Puck has been badgering passers-by with requests for food. "I was walking by and he waddled up squawking," complained Puckering teen Paul Mulllet. "He actually wouldn't let me pass until I surrendered my packet of cheese and onion crisps. I'm all for animals normally, but this duck was vicious." Other residents have reported similar problems with this Duck Turpin and rumours persist that a vigilante group called the Orange Men are forming to take matters into their own hands.

Grant's Grange?
Still no confirmation of who has bought the Grange in Upper Puckering, though the local talk is that Hugh Grant might be moving in after his 'temporary' separation with actress Liz Hurley. Still, given the array of descriptions reported to the Gazette concerning those persons seen in the proximity of the house, it seems that the only possible buyer is a six-foot, very muscular woman with tattoos, aged between 17 and 80 and possibly Asian or Native American in ethnicity. The Gazette will keep its intrepid reporters on the scene.

Apology
The Gazette wishes to extend its sincere apologies to those people mentioned in the last issue's story concerning international drug trafficking. It is our belief that this story was published in good faith and on the basis of police information. Nevertheless if we unjustly impugned the reputations of some of the good citizens of Puckering, then we apologize.