Have a cuppa with Shirley (or Martin)

No, I haven't seen her...

Hello? Who is it? Oh, its you then.  Well, come in and sit yourself down. Oh my goodness but it’s been a week! No rest for the weary, is there? Go on, sit down, I said—I won’t be a minute. Just fixing myself a cuppa… Well, can you believe what’s happened to Jerry Anderson? I came back from Vera’s to find that they’d arrested him! They think he’s been pinching valuables from half of Puckering and flogging them to the other half. I never thought he was up to any harm, rummaging around in the attic like he was. He’s a nice bloke, I always said. Just goes to show you can be wrong about most things. Well, since they threw him in the nick we’ve been on the hot seat. Old Archer said to the Gazette that folks with suspicious goods should come forward, and forward they’ve all come. The police didn’t know what to do with all the toot that was turned in, so they’ve "returned" it to us.

Well, I must confess, I said something to Miss Simmons that I expect I shouldn’t have. Not that I'm one for interfering but still, I thought she ought to hear it. Her being away and all. What did I say? Nothing more than that she ought to mind what’s hers or she might lose it. While she was gone, that Emma Knytleigh was running the place, and Mr. Tinsley wasn’t putting up much of a fuss. Eyeing her like Martin eyes a ripe tomato, if you take my meaning. Anyway, Miss Simmons went off in a huff and hasn’t said two words to me, or him, since. Then, to make things worse, Miss Knytleigh has gone missing. I mean it. We haven’t seen hide nor hair of her for the past two days. And as if that isn’t enough, SHE has been making her presence known. The usual ways—doors swinging open, floors creaking when no one’s about, and yesterday a picture fell off the wall. I don’t know what she wants, but she’s definitely come back to stay. Oh dear, there’s the kettle. Now where do you suppose Martin’s gone and put the milk? Back in minute…