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  Have a cuppa with Shirley (or Martin)Cuppa with Shirley
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Oh, it's you. I suppose you'll be wanting tea. Well, the milk's off.

Shirley? She's down with Vera, isn't she? The two of them will be rabbiting on all weekend. Miss Simmons  is away too, so you'd think I'd get some blessed peace and quiet. Not that she says much. Nice young lady, always asks after me vegetables.

So, I'm left with that fool of a boyfriend of hers and all hell breaks loose. We've had P.C. Plod all over the house with their big feet traipsing through my garden. What do they think they'll find there, I ask you? Sergeant Archer says to me "Never underestimate the criminal mind, Martin." Silly sod.

And he's gone and put in a satellite dish, hasn't he? I don't think Miss Simmons will like that. Says he wants to make sure he can watch all the cricket. Mr. Basil liked his cricket and he never dealt with such foolishness. And don't think I haven't seen him looking at that young student with more interest than he should, if you take my meaning.

We've got repairmen coming and going. Another fool trying to 'Spend, Spend, Spend'. It's all going to hell around here and I'll hear it from Shirley when she gets back. It's not like the old days. I'm just glad I have me vegetables.  And by the way, I'm out of biscuits.  You still fancy some tea?