| Wendy Smith, owner of Pet Love, has ignited
controversy in her bid to be Puckering’s first Village Elder. Fed up with what she
sees as general indifference on the part of most Puckering residents to the plight of
their animal companions, both domestic and wild, she has forged a platform where furries,
and frogs, come first. "People often have no
consideration for the lives and welfare of animals," says Smith. "Take the story
you ran last week. Amphibians are endangered worldwide, victims to pollution, global
warming and habitat loss. Instead of trying to save them, some silly git is catching them
and putting them in the road. It’s shameful." As Village Elder, Smith would
outlaw that tradition and introduce a number of new initiatives that are animal-friendly.
"Well to start, I’d place strict limits on the
Irregulars," she reports. "All those balls flying through the air and worrying
the squirrels. You laugh, but it’s got to be quite stressful for the little fellows.
Always worrying when some great lug is going to knock them right out of the tree. And
don’t get me started on that bloke who bites dogs. He should be locked away for
good."
Smith supports tax incentives for vegetarians, arguing that
meat-eating is not only cruel and wasteful of precious resources, but that vegetarians are
nicer people. She also advocates the adoption of a "Pet Magna Carta,"
guaranteeing basic rights including adequate food, shelter, exercise and the recognition
of pets’ sexual needs. "It’s quite simple, really. I just want people to
treat animals like they’d like to be treated," she concludes.
Kitty condom anyone? |
