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Volume XXVII, No. 12

Saturday April 17, 1999             50p.

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UPPC Launches Ambitious Restoration Scheme

To kick-off a year-long celebration honouring the 700th anniversary of the founding of Upper Puckering Parish Church (formerly St. George’s), the Reverend L.N. Banks yesterday announced plans for an ambitious, multi-year restoration of the structure. Exterior work will include masonry repair, cleaning, stabilisation and re-roofing of the building’s 14th century bell-tower. Additionally, funds are being solicited for interior work to update the antiquated heating system and to preserve the important collection of 15th century misericords and bench ends. Those interested in learning more about this important projected are invited to attend a lecture and tea at the church hall on Saturday, the first of May.

The project cost is estimated to be in excess of L500,000. Whilst the assistance of the Sussex Preservation Trust and several unnamed private donors is currently being sought, church members and area residents are encouraged to lend their support for this important undertaking.--Nigel Twicks

Puckering Hedgehogs?

At yesterday's bi-annual meeting of the Puckering Irregulars CFC, the issue of the name of the team was raised. The suggestion was made that Puckering should have a team name similar to that of the modern counties. Whilst many possibilities were put forward, such as the Puckering Tigers, Puckering Elephants and the Puckering Salmon, they were rejected as having nothing to do with the team or village. Both the Puckering Rabbits and Puckering Hedgehogs were also rejected as not having the right connotations.

In the end, tradition prevailed and the team will remain the Puckering Irregulars, though there were those who vowed to raise the issue again at the end of the season. The club also made a plea for new players for the cricket team which had its first game this week (see sport).--Lumpy Gaites

Attempted Robbery Foiled

An attempted robbery was foiled yesterday by the quick wits of Mrs. Olive Harris, who works in the Barnes newsagents. Mr. Norman Bates, of Lower Puckering, pulled a pair of women’s nylons over his head, barged into the shop, and, brandishing a chicken bone, asked for the contents of the till.

"I’ve known Norman since he was a toddler," commented Mrs. Harris, "and I wasn’t giving him anything." When pressed on how she was sure it was him, Mrs. Harris added that he still had on his garage overalls with "Norman" sewed on the front.   Mr. Bates, who has been in trouble with the police in the past, left empty-handed.   Local officers picked him up at the garage later where he denied the charges.--Nigel Twicks