|Ann: You must be Jackie.
It's nice to meet you.
Jackie Collins: And you are?
Ann: Ann. I live here.
Jackie: Oh, Ann! Sorry, I was expecting...well, never mind. Lovely to meet you.
Ann: I hope you enjoy yourself tonight.
Jackie: That's why I came.
Ann: Amy, glad you decided to come. Is James here too?
Amy: Yeah, hes wandering around with Frank. The two of them have really hit it off.
Ann: Guess whos here? Dave Redmond! He was in Sheffield for a conference and decided to drop by before he flew out. Its great to see him.
Amy: Im not sure Id recognize him anymore. Its been years since you guys broke up.
Ann: Well, he looks the same. And he remembers you. I told him you were here.
Amy: Did you tell him Im pregnant?
Ann: No, I thought you could if you wanted to.
Amy: I will.
Ann: Amy, what are you going to do? I mean, are you and James
Amy: Going to get married? Dont know. His family is really excited about the baby, but dont see me as wife material. Neither of us is in any rush. Well see.
Ann: And what about your dissertation?
Amy: I think I can still write, Ann. Cool out. I dont see you cranking out books. Is my having a baby any different from you packing it up to play house here? At least Ill have something to show for it.
Ann: I think Id better go check on the other guests.
Simon: All right lads! Great to see you. Theres Nuns in the Hall if you dont like the bubbly stuff.
Andy Burstow: Cheers Simon, I could kill a pint right now.
Simon: Knobbly Lyles didnt come with you, did he?
Flash Bolger: No, hes a Boy Scout leader. They meet tonight.
Simon: Knobbly is a boy scout?
Bert Walsham: Actually its cub scouts. Hes an Akela. Hes a marvel with knots, you know.
Andy: Blimey, look at Flash head for the food. We should try putting cake at the other wicket next season to get him to run!
Arthur Red Covers: Evening Tinsley, placating the masses are you? Hoping this will save your skin come the revolution?
Red: Well, okay, just this once. As long as its French. I dont hold with the exploitation of Mexican workers in American vineyards.
Simon: Its Moet-Chandon.
Red: Well, thats all right then. Are those cigars Cuban?
Shirley: Martin? Martin, where are you man? Come quick!
Martin: Bloody hell woman, what are you on about?
Shirley: Its Emma. I told you her snooping would come to no good, didnt I? Miss Simmons should have left well enough alone and not gone dredging into the past, things that are nobodys business. Whats done is done, I say
Martin: Calm down. What did she say?
Shirley: She wants to talk to me. Private-like. She says she knows who Johns father is.
Shirley: I dont know.
Martin: Shes bluffing.
Shirley: Well, she wants me to talk outside, so Ive come to fetch my coat.
Martin: Maybe I should join you?
Shirley: No, shell only think shes right if we both come running. I bet she talked to Vera. Ill tell her that Vera was telling tales. Ill tell her that that fool Lumpy Gaites is the father. He should have been, if Betsy hadnt got it in her head that she fancied the other one.
Martin: Well, mind your tongue.
Shirley: I will. Oh, dear Martin. I thought the past was over and done with.
Martin: You know it never is.
Mr. Godfrey Clayburne: Nice house. Good, sturdy construction.
Mr. Hepplewaite: Dont think much of their restoration techniques. Looks like someone threw a bomb at the dining room wall. Oh, good evening Miss Simmons. Excellent party!
Ann: Mr. Hepplewaite, Mr. Clayburne. Im glad you could come.
Godfrey: I thought you were out on the dance floor with the other young people. Whos Mr. Tinsley dancing with then? Oh, its that young archaeologist.
Ann: Yes, I think it is. I left my dancing shoes upstairs tonight, Im afraid. Did you have a chance to look around?
Godfrey: Well, I had a wander around the garden before it got dark, and theres plenty to be done with the retaining walls. And the east wall of the Temple of Venus is looking a bit dodgy. Dont want that tumbling into the lake, do you?
Ann: Not at all. Can you send me an estimate?
Godfrey: Consider it done.
James: Hello, Ann. Have you seen Amy?
Ann: I saw her in the Breakfast Room talking to Father Hoole a few minutes ago.
James: Oh, me Jesus. Not a priest, I hope.
Ann: Yep, hes a priest.
James: Excuse me. I better go and rescue the poor man.
Wendy Smith: Excuse me but are you Nigel Barksley?
Nigel Barksley: Yes, yes I am.
Wendy: Well I just wanted to say that I admire your work and have been so pleased to see your letters to the Gazette in support of animals.
Nigel: Really? I just think that people can be horrible to animals and its so unfair and people can be quite cruel. Im not that fond of people really, well most people, I mean some people are nice. Can I get you a drink?
Wendy: That would be lovely.
Ann: Yes thanks, Shirley. Youve done a great job. The house looks perfect.
Shirley: Well, I do what I can. You know, it would have helped if Mr. Tinsley hadnt a knocked a great big gaping hole in the wall last week and covered the place with dust.
Ann: Im sorry about that. Youve cleaned up really well though. Nobody would even know he did it.
Shirley: Well, Im going to head down the hall. Cant say I fancy that band you hired. Terrible racket theyre making.
Ann: People seem to be enjoying them though. Even Reverend Banks is dancing.
Shirley: Whos that dancing with your Mr. Tinsley, then?
Ann: His friend Jackie.
Shirley: Well, they certainly look close. Silly fool. Hes no sense of his place sometimes.
Ann: Oh, I dont know. He seems right at home to me.
Caroline Porkridge: She's a piece of work.
Caroline: Jackie Collins. She's all over him, isn't she? You know, she slept with your Simon when she was almost engaged to Phil. He's only just found out.
Ann: Well, that was all years ago.
Caroline: To be honest, I've never thought Simon was much of a friend, but Phil is very loyal.
Ann: They get on well now.
Caroline: You think so? What about Nottingham? The only reason he took Phil to that silly fair was because Jackie wouldn't go with him. But surely you knew that.
Ann: Oh, right. Excuse me a minute.
Rev. Nigel Banks: You're a good dancer.
Jackie: You were pretty smooth yourself.
Rev. Banks: Well, I quite enjoy doing the funky chicken from time to time.
Jackie: Oh, I love this one! "Kiss me, you sexy thing... Touch me, you sexy thing..."
Rev. Banks: Dear me. I'm sorry, but I need to freshen my drink. Excuse me.
Jackie: I can make you a stiff one...
Amy: Its been fun but Im getting tired. Hard work telling religious jokes with a priest! Ann, whats wrong?
Ann: Could I come back with you tonight?
Amy: Ann! Dont cry! Course you can.
Ann: Let me go grab a few things, I'll be ready in a minute.