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Episode |
Four |
This page contains most of the content from the main 'story line' characters. It is designed to allow an easy way of keeping up with the story on slow connections (or for reading later). It is, of course, no substitute for the real thing!
Is it you again? Well, come in then and set yourself down. Shirley’s watching the filming. They’ve made a hospital out the back of the house, and that Blue woman is dying. Not really, mind you, though to be honest she’s been lying in bed moaning so long it would be a blessing to see her go. Don’t have much patience for all this doctoring right now myself. A bit too close to home, if you take my meaning.
Oh, I’m well enough. I have my days, like I say to Shirley, none of us is getting any younger. When the weather turns warm, I’ll be good as new. Been practising, you know, for the film. I’m the gardener. Don’t have any lines, but I’ve got quite a complicated bit going with the hose. I watered the shrubs in the small garden all yesterday afternoon, just to get it right. Made things a bit soggy, what with the rain today, but I think I’ve got the gist of it. John was asking me what I was doing but it isn’t me, you see. It’s him, the pretend gardener, who’s doing the work.
Well, I’ve just had my tea, so if you fancy a cup, you’ll have to come back when Shirley is here. I’ll tell her you stopped in.
To: Philip Porkridge, Chief Accountant, Stoney Grove Trust
From: Simon Tinsley, Executive Director, Stoney Grove Trust
We're supposed to be creating wedding lists. People that we want to invite. You can look at the attached to see if you can think of anyone else but really I want your opinion on Jackie. Ann's not too keen on her, and you can see why, but I really think that they would have got along if Ann had met her without knowing me. Anyway if I put her name at the top of the list it looks confrontational, if I put it at the end then it looks like I was trying to slip it in as an afterthought and if I put it in the middle then she'll think I'm trying to hide it.
What should I do? I'm trying to be sensitive here.
Simon
To: Simon Tinsley, Executive Director, Stoney
Grove Trust
From: Philip Porkridge, Chief Accountant, Stoney Grove Trust
I think you should group the names on the list: family, village, business and friends. Quite naturally, you would include Jackie with the list of your friends which, by the way, DOESN'T CURRENTLY INCLUDE ME!
To: Simon
From: The Hat
Sorry about the frogs. Your little chap was doing well, but I think the
stress got to him. Understand your desire for a little less erotic
challenges. They’ve dropped the snails anyway and, between you and me,
the punters are not too keen on the goldfish racing. Personally, I don’t think
there’s the emotional involvement. One goldfish pretty much
looks like another, doesn’t it? Anyway might have something a bit more
brainy for you. William Hill are doing a line on Hillary for President,
which, since you lived there and all, you should have a good inside track
on. If politics isn't your thing we can go entertainment. Fancy a flutter
on Hugh Grant being Nicole Kidman's next hubby? I can give you a line on
that too.
If you want to stay with sport I've got Darts, Snooker and Gaelic football on the books.
Let me know how you want to proceed.
The Hat
To: Ann
From:CVees
Dear Ann,
I’m sorry I left so abruptly. After the green door fiasco, I couldn’t face another day watching that film crew destroy the house. Not that I’m blaming you; I think we all know who invited them here. Still, I’ve thought a lot about it, and decided that my place is with you. If I can help in any small way, I am only too happy to do so.
I remain,
Yours faithfully,
Chester Vyse
To: CVees
From: Ann
Chester,
Thanks for your message. Everything is under control—the film crew
used some miracle paint that washed right off without harming the
underlying doors. Didn’t know such stuff existed. Anyway, I appreciate
your willingness to help, but I think we’re all set for now. Why don’t
you stop by for a drink with Simon and me some night this week?
Ann
To: AmynJames
From: Ann
Just wanted you to know that the wedding is still on. Simon is completely stressed about the guest list. I think he wants to invite Jackie, but hasn’t worked up the nerve to tell me. Phil thinks so too. I wish he’d just get on with it, so I could say yes and he could cool out. This isn’t supposed to be so traumatic.
I’ve got an appointment with the florist tomorrow. Seems you should book flowers at least six months in advance, and I’m already running late. Am also going to London dress shopping next week. Emma and Shirley have volunteered to come help, but Emma’s always swallowed up in black, and Shirley’s sense of fashion is about 30 years behind the times, so I may slip away on my own. Maybe I could get one of the Taxi folks to come along—Suzanne Toussand is quite glamorous!
Ann
To: AmynJames
From: Ann
I got it wrong. Simon wants to invite his mother! He never talks about her. I’ve never met her. His dad just quivered on the one occasion that her name came up in conversation. I picture her as a cross between Maggie Smith and Judi Dench as Queen Elizabeth. What if she hates me?
Ann
Florence Blue: Frank, could I have a minute?
Frank: Yes, yes of course. How can I help?
Florence: This is a bit embarrassing, really. It’s just that I, ah, well, I heard you have an aura. That you can talk to people who have passed on.
Frank: Really? You heard that? Hmm…Well, yes, some of them. Not everyone, not by a long shot. But certainly people who’ve lived here, and sometime others.
Florence: Well, I’d like to…make contact. I really hesitate to get into it now, but maybe we could talk later?
Frank: Um, yes, I think so. Yes, we could do that. Could you stop by the Hermitage? We could make some tea and have a good chat.
Florence: Maybe this evening? We’re going out of town to do some shooting soon, and I hate to put it off.
Frank: This evening it is.
Florence: Oh Frank, thank you so much! I feel better already.
Frank: Not at all. Oh, Miss Blue?
Florence: Yes? Please, call me Flo!
Frank: Well then, Flo, you’ve got a nice aura yourself.
Simon: Ann, I need to talk to you about the wedding.
Ann: If it's about the invitations don't worry, we've got plenty of
time.
Simon: Well it's sort of about the people coming.
Ann: I don't know why you're stressing out over this. Let me finish my list and we’ll talk again later. One advantage of having a big house, is that we can invite whoever we want!
Mr. Tinsley: Simon!
Simon: Oh, hello Dad. You haven't been around much.
Mr. Tinsley: Oh I'm here. I know what's going on. I keep my eyes open.
Simon: Good result with the cricket.
Mr. Tinsley: Well, in my day, Sri Lanka wasn't even playing test cricket so I don't think it's much that we beat them. No doubt we'll be back to our usual humiliations when the Australians come.
Simon: Right. Well I've got to be moving on. People to see, bills to pay.
Mr. Tinsley: He's seeing her, isn't he? That funny bloke, daft as a brush, he's seeing her?
Simon: Oh, Frank? Yes, he's seeing Irene, the production assistant. Just between you and me I don't know how he does it. They're all at his knee.
Mr. Tinsley: Not Irene! He's been seeing the actress.
Simon: Suzanne? No, I think she just likes to go over there and bitch about the rest of the cast. I can't see her and Frank. I mean, really.
Mr. Tinsley: I'm not talking about that young talentless hack! I'm talking about Miss Blue. She's a star.
Simon: Frank and Florence Blue? I don't think so. I mean, she's more his age I suppose, not bad looking for an oldie but, do you think so?
Mr. Tinsley: Miss Blue is a real star. I saw her in Posts and Primroses in 1967 and I've followed her career ever since. She's a proper actress.
Simon: Sorry Dad, didn't realize you had a thing for her. Thought you were past that. Still, her and Frank? I mean, it’s a bit much.
Mr. Tinsley: I'm sure she is just being nice to him, but he's stalking her, asking her over for tea at all hours. Well, you tell him I'm watching!
Simon: O.K. Anyway Dad…. Dad? Oh well, I guess we'll discuss the wedding list later.
Gary Archer: Mr. Tinsley?
Simon: Simon, please.
Gary: Nice to meet you. I've seen you watching the takes. You own this place right?
Simon: Yes we, I do, well owner and manager really. Takes a lot of upkeep. By the way I'm a big fan of "George."
Gary: Thanks. Actually wish I was back there but my agent pushed me for this. Good for my career I suppose. Still this filming is awful. Normal television stuff we do in one or two takes but Carver is a bully. After three takes I've usually forgotten why we're even doing the scene, but he just keeps on. Suzanne is having a major tantrum right now, so we're finished for the day.
Simon: Well feel free to look around the house. No charge!
Gary: Right. Not my thing really, old houses. Sure yours is jolly interesting and all that but I couldn't help noticing the Harley classic in the stables. Is that yours?
Simon: Yes! I love that bike. Look, do you want to try it out? We could go down to the village and scare some old ladies.
Gary: Triffic!
Ann: Emma, have you seen Frank today? Irene was looking for him earlier, and he seems to have totally vanished.
Emma: Why does everyone think I’m his keeper? I don’t know where he is. He could be anywhere. None of my business, either.
Ann: Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you. Are you alright?
Emma: Of course I am. What does Irene want with him now?
Ann: She wanted to say goodbye. They’re going up to London to do some filming in a few days, and she was in the advance team, or something like that.
Emma: Well, that’s good news. I mean, for Frank. He’s quite lost his head over her. It will be good for them to have a break.
Ann: Will it? I thought he looked happy for a change.
Emma: Oh, Ann, don’t be daft. Of course he’s happy. He thinks she’s some long lost love, some student he mooned over years ago come back to him. I don’t know what she’s thinking. I mean, Frank’s a dear, but he’s not exactly well.
Ann: Didn’t seem to bother you…
Emma: Well I sussed it out, didn’t I? I just hate to see him get hurt again. And he will, you know. She’ll get fed up with living in his world, and she’ll bolt. She won’t be able to face it anymore. She’ll still care for him, of course, but she’ll just lose her ability to cope.
Ann: Emma, none of my business, but is this about Frank, or is this about you?
Emma: It’s about you asking me where Frank is. That’s all.
Ann: Okay. Well, if you see him…
Emma: I’m NOT going to see him.
Ann: Oh, never mind. Forget I mentioned it!
Simon: I really need to tell you something about the wedding list.
Ann: Is it Jackie? You want to invite her, but you think I'll be upset.
Simon: Yes, well…
Ann: It's O.K. Invite the witch, she can sit with Phil and Caroline. It'll give me some comfort to have them at each other’s throats.
Simon: It's not Jackie. It's not Jackie I was worried about. There's someone else.
Ann: Another ex from the past? Invite who you want Simon, though I'm not sure what you're trying to prove.
Simon: It's worse than that.
Ann: Worse? Oh good God! Don't tell me you’re already married. Not now.
Simon: No. I think I should invite my mother.