Have a cuppa with Shirley (or Martin)

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you at my door! Come in and have a seat. What brings you to Puckering? Let me tell you, things have changed! Do you remember Jerry Anderson, the bloke who ran the antique shop down in the Village? You know, Betsy's friend. He’s been convicted of burglary. The two as bought this house are responsible. You’ve heard of them? I’m not surprised, they’re always doing something to get their name and face in the newspaper.

Jerry hit on some hard times, you see, and was knicking the odd piece from the attic here. Nothing of value, so to speak, just a few bits that no one really cared about. Okay, so he got greedy and took the owners’ desk. It was a daft thing to do, but we all make mistakes, don’t we? Anyway, he was caught by that Archer fellow who fancies that he’s 007 himself. The trial was about a week ago. I tried to do my best for him, but I’m afraid it did no good. Oh well, what can you do? Mrs. Morcombe tells me that he might get time off for good behaviour, seeing as its his first offence. Though she also said he should be locked up for good. Silly cow.

What are the owners like? Well, he’s the local hero right now. Seems like he can do at least one thing --won the bloody match for the Irregulars. First win of the season. Used to be doing other things as well, if you take my meaning, but right now his girlfriend is colder than Martin’s feet in December, and his "researcher" has shacked up with Frank Churchill. If Miss Ellen was alive to know the goings on in her house!

I’ve opened up a shop for myself down in the village, now that Jerry’s gone. Selling a few bits from time to time. You should pop round and see it. It’s called In Olde Things Forgotten; its on the High Street. With all the to do around here, I thought to myself "Shirley, you’ve got to be prepared." I’m building up a nest egg in case something happens and Martin and I have to leave. You know Mr. Montgomery promised us we could stay for as long as we wanted, but I’m not sure anymore. The owners have run out of money, and if they have to sell, what’s to become of us?

Now then, why hasn’t the darned kettle boiled yet? Let me go check it, I won’t be a minute…