June 24, 2000
Amy told me today that she’s decided to take Mande home to the States. She
doesn’t want to be part of a West Indian marriage. She’s tired of dealing with
his family, who don’t approve of her, and is afraid that if she stays, James will end
up like most other men she knows with a mistress or two on the side. None of this augers
well for a permanent relationship.
June 26, 2000
Simon is here, on Nevis. After all those emails he sent back
and forward to his lawyers, he actually had the balls to show up on my doorstep tonight.
Another few minutes with me and he wouldn’t have left with them!
June 27, 2000
Doug just left me the final results of his enquiries.
What an idiot I am. And what the hell was he thinking? I thought I'd been pretty
clear when I said we should keep things on a friendly level several months back...
I need to find Simon. If he didn’t catch the first plane out this morning, he’s probably staying at the Four Seasons. I guess we ought to talk.
June 28, 2000
Amy and I spent most the day together. I told her again that she was welcome to stay with
me as long as she wanted, but she's determined to leave. We went over to Doug's house and
spent the morning on the web looking for airfares and trying to figure out how she could
go home without too much hassle. We visited Sandra this afternoon, lounging around
in her pool and playing with Mande.
I met Simon for dinner tonight at the VGFR, and brought Amy with me for moral support.
I've spent much of the past two days thinking about that last set of emails. At least it
was clear that Simon wasn’t lying when he said he’d broken things off with the
lawyers.
It turns out that he hadn’t contacted them since we saw each other in April,
except to tell them not to proceed further. Even Amy believed him, which is amazing
considering her present state of cynicism. We're going to meet up tomorrow morning and go
exploring together.
June 29, 2000
Today was wonderful! Simon and I had a really nice day together.
I’ve been trying to find Fanny’s grave, and had visited most of the graveyards here and on St. Kitts without much luck. I’d gone to Fig Tree Church before, but there are a lot of old stones in pretty rough shape, so I thought it was worth another try. After a few hours trying to decipher the worst of them, Simon gave up and went inside to get out of the sun. There it was, inside the church! A huge marble monument. It must have cost someone a fortune. The inscription was simple:
Fanny Rawlins Blake
November 14, 1763-August 6, 1814
"Let those who have cause against me judge me now"
The monument shows a veiled woman facing the busts of two men, with an infant at her feet. Above her head are two cherubs, one male and one female. These must represent Mary and Ned, her children, while the reclining infant is the baby she lost (aborted?) when she poisoned William. He could be one of the men in judgement, but who is the other?
After we photographed the monument, we got some lunch and then I took Simon on a tour of my favorite places. We went to the Eden Brown estate, New River and Coconut Walk, then walked along the beach at Indian Castle. On the way back we drove up to Saddle Hill, then looked through the fence at Fort Charles. I’d like to take him hiking up Nevis Peak and over to see Brimstone Hill on St. Kitts.
After last night's discussion we left things on the surface, and today just enjoyed being together and seeing Nevis. I met him later at the hotel for dinner and we sat by the sea and looked out at the stars. It was quite romantic. I left him with a kiss and a promise to meet him on the beach tomorrow. We're going snorkeling.
I feel a bit guilty about abandoning Amy, but she's caught up with her own plans, and
doesn't seem to mind.
June 30, 2000
Simon is willing to give it all up. For me! We were lying on the beach today
talking, and I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about going back to England. The drug
case against me has been dismissed, so I'm free to go. I'm just not sure I want to. He
pressed me for a commitment to come back with him, and I told him I liked Nevis.
That wasn't the most honest reply, since I think my hesitancy was still wrapped up in
insecurity about how he felt about me--about us--but it was a convenient answer. He
thought a minute. Then he looked at me and said it didn't matter to him, if I wanted to
stay on Nevis he'd come and live with me here. He was absolutely serious. I kissed
him and ended the conversation.
I haven't been able to think about anything else since. He must love me if he'd come here to stay. No Jackie, no house, no English relatives or friends. I feel like I'm sixteen again.
I've got to get myself together here--Amy and I are going out tonight.