Back to Episode



Emma: Ann, have you seen Frank?

Ann: I think he and Flo are getting ready to hold a sťance.

Emma: Bloody hell. I swear the lot of you encourage him!

Ann: I didnít. I think itís really creepy. I told him not to stir things up too much.

Emma: For goodness sake, itís all in his head. You donít really think there are ghosts about, do you?

Ann: Iím honestly not sure. I thought I saw one once.

Emma: Then youíre as bonkers as he is. Oh, never mind. I donít have time to track him down. If you see him, tell him to stop by my room, will you?

Ann: Sure.

Frank: I canít guarantee anything, you understand. Sometimes theyíre all quite talkative, and sometimes theyíre silent. Of course Iíve never heard from my mother, but I think I might be able to have someone translate for her.

Flo: Will I be able to hear them speak?

Frank: I donít think so. Nobodyís ever told me theyíve heard them directly, although I suspect Ann did last year. In her bedroom. She thought it was Emma.

Flo: Have you ever seen them?

Frank: One. Sheís quite visible. Shirley, Martin, Ann, theyíve all seen her.

Flo: Well, what does she look like?

Frank: A ghost, of course. All shimmery and translucent. Lots of flowing white robes. Likes to pop up out of the lake. Only ghost Iíve heard of that likes to swim. Are you ready?

Flo: I must admit, Iím a bit nervous.

Manís voice: Never mind.

Frank: Whoís that then?

Flo: Me. I said I was a bit nervous.

Womanís Voice: Oh, for goodness sake. Weíll never clear you out of here if you keep nattering on. Frank, what do you want?

Frank: Flo, theyíre here. They want to know what we want.

Flo: Well, if it pleases them, Iíd like a word with Miss OíRall. And a stiff brandy!

Frank:  She'd like...

Womanís Voice: I heard her! It doesnít please us. Why should I talk to you, after you deserted us to run up to London? How was your lady friend? Worth the trip?

Manís Voice: Come now. Donít be so hard on the lad. Heís probably been lonely, thatís all.

Womanís Voice: He doesnít know what lonely is! Fancy knocking about in this great big hulk of a place with nobody to talk to for nearly a hundred years. Oh, they were around, just too deaf to hear me. Is it any wonder I took up swimming? Kept me sane.

Frank: No offence, but this isnít really about you right now. Could you get my Mum?

Womanís Voice: She isnít here.

Frank: Do you know where she is?

Womanís Voice: No, I donít. Iím not her social secretary. She did say something about making preparations, and then she was off.

Manís Voice: Well, the lady will be frightfully disappointed. Sheís having some sort of acting trauma. Iíve been listening.

Womanís Voice: Yes, well. We do a lot of that, donít we? Tell her to exude more. Exude warmth, exude charm, exude hospitality. That was the essence of Beatrice Farthingale.

Frank: Did my Mum tell you that?

Womanís Voice: Heavens, no. She never talks about her work. I read it, though, you see. Just loved Taxi! A delightful story.

Frank: Thanks. Iíll pass it along.

Flo: Frank? Did you reach her? Can she help?

Frank: Letís go get you that brandy.

Reverend Banks: All right then Emma? Can I give you a hand with your bags?

Emma: I think Iíve got everything. I just need to sit down for a minute. Iíve been packing all morning.

Reverend Banks: Here, let me take that for you.

Emma: No, really. Iím fine.

Reverend Banks: You know it is quite all right not to be fine all the time. You can be sad, you know.

Emma: Iím not sad.

Reverend Banks: But I know you care about John. It must be hard to let him go.

Emma: Well, I guess I am sad, at least a little bit. I couldnít marry him though. I knew that. And I canít live here with him right now. Heís angry and upset and I canít tiptoe around his feelings. I really do appreciate your invitation to come back to the Vicarage.

Reverend Banks: Itís my pleasure, Emma. I love having you as a guest.

Emma: So the gossip goes!

Reverend Banks: But we donít listen to gossip, do we?

Emma: Well, maybe "we" donít, but plenty of people were scandalised last time. Is this going to be a problem for you?

Reverend Banks: No. It is not a problem. No problem at all.

Emma: It is quite all right to admit something is going to be a problemÖ

Reverend Banks: Toucheī. Well, then, yes. Some people will find it unseemly that their bachelor Reverend has an unmarried lady as a guest for an unspecified amount of time. Some find it unseemly that such a thing as a bachelor Reverend exists at all. Of course, thatís preferable to a bachelor Reverend who is actually dating, or worse yet, in a relationship. Weíre supposed to leave seminary with a wife, you see. Well, I didnít. People have talked for years. I canít live my life by their rules. Iíve got to live it as God directs. He shows me the way.

Emma: I see.

Reverend Banks: Shall we go, then?

Emma: Yes, thanks. Nigel?

Reverend Banks: Yes, Emma?

Emma: I still donít believe. Not really. You should know that about me.

Reverend Banks: Emma, thereís no test to pass with me. Everything will be all right.

Emma: Then lead the way.

Ann: Gary, have you seen Simon?

Gary: Just dropped him off down in the Village. He said heíd walk back.

Ann: Howís the filming coming?

Gary: Havenít heard. Theyíre still gadding around London, I think. Archer wanted to get all that out of the way before they came back to shoot the final scenes.

Ann: So youíre free for awhile?

Gary: Free-ish. Been rehearsing. The big love scenes are still coming up. Suzanne and I have played lovers before, but thereís always a bit of nerves about when youíre filming with such emotional intensity. And Archer canít decide how true to the book we should play it.

Ann: Iím afraid I havenít read the book. Iíve never been a big fan of romance novels.

Gary: Well, canít say that Iíve ever had much of a stomach for all this historical stuff. Dry as dust, if you ask me. Still, it pays the bills. At least for me. Must cost you a bloody fortune.

Ann: Yes, it does. Gary, can I ask you something?

Gary: Fire away.

Ann: Have you and Simon been gambling?

Gary: Oh, no. Iím not ratting on my mate Simon. Canít help you with that one.

Ann: So thatís a yes.

Gary: Well, how about a maybe?

Ann: Was it a lot?

Gary: No, no. Donít think he put down more than a couple of hundred quid at the Liverpool match. Certainly no more than five hundred anyway.

Ann: Hmm. Great. Thanks.

Gary: Wrong answer?

Ann: Yeah.

Ann: Simon, I've just had a very strange call.

Simon: Male or female?

Ann: It was a man called the "At" if I heard him correctly. He told me to tell you that he had a good line for Newbury this weekend if you were interested. I think he was a bookie.

Simon: Really. Blimey, these phone solicitation things are getting a bit much, aren't they! Gambling now, I don't know!

Ann: I think he said you'd placed bets with him before.

Simon: Oh, the Hat! Sorry, your accent still gets me occasionally. The Hat, old friend, I may have made the odd bet now and again, just a few quid, for a laugh really. It's like Michael Jordan, we can afford it.

Ann: This is what all those emails were about?

Simon: Oh you saw those? Yes, well, he's very enthusiastic.

Ann: We're trying to get the house restored, we're trying to get our wedding planned and you're spending our money on gambling. What have you been betting on and how much have you lost?

Simon: Don't get upset! Really it's probably been one hundred pounds in total since I started, less maybe. Just a few pounds a week on horses and things. Not all losses I may add.

Ann: And things?

Simon: Well there was the frog racing, but that was a one off. Anyway I stopped - no more betting.

Ann: You've stopped, really, no more betting.

Simon: No more betting.

Ann: So I can tell your Dad that you won't be putting a fiver on, I think it was "Happy Cedric," this weekend.

Simon: Dad! Incorrigible, isn't he? In fact let me go and talk to him now. I think I saw him heading down to the village.

Simon: Hello Dad, you look rather spiffy.

Mr. Tinsley: And why not? I'm not that old you know, I could get married again.

Simon: Married! Is this because Ann and I are getting married?  It's all right, we talked about it. You can still stay after we're married.

Mr. Tinsley: Of course I'm staying! I'm not moving back to that bloody miserable little house.

Simon: Then why are you talking about getting married?

Mr. Tinsley: I'm just saying I could. That loony fellow is not the only one in this house with charm, I was quite the talker in my younger days you know.

Simon: Frank? He's putting us all to shame, isn't he? I guess I just thought that maybe your days of going out were over. Is this about Mum coming to the wedding?

Mr. Tinsley: No it's not. Mind you it'd really stick it to her if I had one of those young dolly birds on my arm at the wedding.

Simon:  Dolly birds? I think if you're going to start seeing women again you'll need to get the language right. No-one gets called a dolly bird anymore.

Mr. Tinsley: Well we'll see about that. Now where's that Flo Blue woman?