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This page contains most of the content from the main 'story line' characters. It is designed to allow an easy way of keeping up with the story on slow connections (or for reading later). It is, of course, no substitute for the real thing!


Is it you again? Well, come in then and set yourself down. Shirleyís watching the filming. Theyíve made a hospital out the back of the house, and that Blue woman is dying. Not really, mind you, though to be honest sheís been lying in bed moaning so long it would be a blessing to see her go. Donít have much patience for all this doctoring right now myself. A bit too close to home, if you take my meaning.

Oh, Iím well enough. I have my days, like I say to Shirley, none of us is getting any younger. When the weather turns warm, Iíll be good as new. Been practising, you know, for the film. Iím the gardener. Donít have any lines, but Iíve got quite a complicated bit going with the hose. I watered the shrubs in the small garden all yesterday afternoon, just to get it right. Made things a bit soggy, what with the rain today, but I think Iíve got the gist of it. John was asking me what I was doing but it isnít me, you see. Itís him, the pretend gardener, whoís doing the work.

Well, Iíve just had my tea, so if you fancy a cup, youíll have to come back when Shirley is here. Iíll tell her you stopped in.

Simon And Ann

To: Philip Porkridge, Chief Accountant, Stoney Grove Trust
From: Simon Tinsley, Executive Director, Stoney Grove Trust

We're supposed to be creating wedding lists. People that we want to invite. You can look at the attached to see if you can think of anyone else but really I want your opinion on Jackie. Ann's not too keen on her, and you can see why, but I really think that they would have got along if Ann had met her without knowing me. Anyway if I put her name at the top of the list it looks confrontational, if I put it at the end then it looks like I was trying to slip it in as an afterthought and if I put it in the middle then she'll think I'm trying to hide it.

What should I do? I'm trying to be sensitive here.


To: Simon Tinsley, Executive Director, Stoney Grove Trust
From: Philip Porkridge, Chief Accountant, Stoney Grove Trust

I think you should group the names on the list: family, village, business and friends. Quite naturally, you would include Jackie with the list of your friends which, by the way, DOESN'T CURRENTLY INCLUDE ME!

To: Simon
From: The Hat

Sorry about the frogs. Your little chap was doing well, but I think the stress got to him. Understand your desire for a little less erotic challenges. Theyíve dropped the snails anyway and, between you and me, the punters are not too keen on the goldfish racing. Personally, I donít think thereís the emotional involvement. One goldfish pretty much looks like another, doesnít it? Anyway might have something a bit more brainy for you. William Hill are doing a line on Hillary for President, which, since you lived there and all, you should have a good inside track on. If politics isn't your thing we can go entertainment. Fancy a flutter on Hugh Grant being Nicole Kidman's next hubby? I can give you a line on that too.

If you want to stay with sport I've got Darts, Snooker and Gaelic football on the books.

Let me know how you want to proceed.

The Hat

To: Ann

Dear Ann,

Iím sorry I left so abruptly. After the green door fiasco, I couldnít face another day watching that film crew destroy the house. Not that Iím blaming you; I think we all know who invited them here. Still, Iíve thought a lot about it, and decided that my place is with you. If I can help in any small way, I am only too happy to do so. 

I remain,

Yours faithfully,

Chester Vyse

To: CVees
From: Ann

Thanks for your message. Everything is under controlóthe film crew used some miracle paint that washed right off without harming the underlying doors. Didnít know such stuff existed. Anyway, I appreciate your willingness to help, but I think weíre all set for now. Why donít you stop by for a drink with Simon and me some night this week?


To: AmynJames
From: Ann

Just wanted you to know that the wedding is still on. Simon is completely stressed about the guest list. I think he wants to invite Jackie, but hasnít worked up the nerve to tell me. Phil thinks so too. I wish heíd just get on with it, so I could say yes and he could cool out. This isnít supposed to be so traumatic.

Iíve got an appointment with the florist tomorrow. Seems you should book flowers at least six months in advance, and Iím already running late. Am also going to London dress shopping next week. Emma and Shirley have volunteered to come help, but Emmaís always swallowed up in black, and Shirleyís sense of fashion is about 30 years behind the times, so I may slip away on my own. Maybe I could get one of the Taxi folks to come alongóSuzanne Toussand is quite glamorous!


To: AmynJames
From: Ann

I got it wrong. Simon wants to invite his mother! He never talks about her. Iíve never met her. His dad just quivered on the one occasion that her name came up in conversation. I picture her as a cross between Maggie Smith and Judi Dench as Queen Elizabeth. What if she hates me?


Dining Room

Florence Blue: Frank, could I have a minute?

Frank: Yes, yes of course. How can I help?

Florence: This is a bit embarrassing, really. Itís just that I, ah, well, I heard you have an aura. That you can talk to people who have passed on.

Frank: Really? You heard that? HmmÖWell, yes, some of them. Not everyone, not by a long shot. But certainly people whoíve lived here, and sometime others.

Florence: Well, Iíd like toÖmake contact. I really hesitate to get into it now, but maybe we could talk later?

Frank: Um, yes, I think so. Yes, we could do that. Could you stop by the Hermitage? We could make some tea and have a good chat.

Florence: Maybe this evening? Weíre going out of town to do some shooting soon, and I hate to put it off.

Frank: This evening it is.

Florence: Oh Frank, thank you so much! I feel better already.

Frank: Not at all. Oh, Miss Blue?

Florence: Yes? Please, call me Flo!

Frank: Well then, Flo, youíve got a nice aura yourself.

Simon: Ann, I need to talk to you about the wedding.

Ann: If it's about the invitations don't worry, we've got plenty of time. 

Simon: Well it's sort of about the people coming.

Ann: I don't know why you're stressing out over this. Let me finish my list and weíll talk again later. One advantage of having a big house, is that we can invite whoever we want!

Mr. Tinsley: Simon!

Simon: Oh, hello Dad. You haven't been around much.

Mr. Tinsley: Oh I'm here. I know what's going on. I keep my eyes open.

Simon: Good result with the cricket.

Mr. Tinsley: Well, in my day, Sri Lanka wasn't even playing test cricket so I don't think it's much that we beat them. No doubt we'll be back to our usual humiliations when the Australians come.

Simon: Right. Well I've got to be moving on. People to see, bills to pay.

Mr. Tinsley: He's seeing her, isn't he? That funny bloke, daft as a brush, he's seeing her?

Simon: Oh, Frank? Yes, he's seeing Irene, the production assistant. Just between you and me I don't know how he does it. They're all at his knee.

Mr. Tinsley: Not Irene! He's been seeing the actress.

Simon: Suzanne? No, I think she just likes to go over there and bitch about the rest of the cast. I can't see her and Frank. I mean, really.

Mr. Tinsley: I'm not talking about that young talentless hack! I'm talking about Miss Blue. She's a star.

Simon: Frank and Florence Blue? I don't think so. I mean, she's more his age I suppose, not bad looking for an oldie but, do you think so?

Mr. Tinsley: Miss Blue is a real star. I saw her in Posts and Primroses in 1967 and I've followed her career ever since. She's a proper actress.

Simon: Sorry Dad, didn't realize you had a thing for her. Thought you were past that. Still, her and Frank? I mean, itís a bit much.

Mr. Tinsley: I'm sure she is just being nice to him, but he's stalking her, asking her over for tea at all hours. Well, you tell him I'm watching!

Simon: O.K. Anyway DadÖ. Dad? Oh well, I guess we'll discuss the wedding list later.

Gary Archer: Mr. Tinsley?

Simon: Simon, please.

Gary: Nice to meet you. I've seen you watching the takes. You own this place right?

Simon: Yes we, I do, well owner and manager really. Takes a lot of upkeep. By the way I'm a big fan of "George."

Gary: Thanks. Actually wish I was back there but my agent pushed me for this. Good for my career I suppose. Still this filming is awful. Normal television stuff we do in one or two takes but Carver is a bully. After three takes I've usually forgotten why we're even doing the scene, but he just keeps on. Suzanne is having a major tantrum right now, so we're finished for the day.

Simon: Well feel free to look around the house. No charge!

Gary: Right. Not my thing really, old houses. Sure yours is jolly interesting and all that but I couldn't help noticing the Harley classic in the stables. Is that yours?

Simon: Yes! I love that bike. Look, do you want to try it out? We could go down to the village and scare some old ladies.

Gary: Triffic!

Ann: Emma, have you seen Frank today? Irene was looking for him earlier, and he seems to have totally vanished.

Emma: Why does everyone think Iím his keeper? I donít know where he is. He could be anywhere. None of my business, either.

Ann: Sorry, didnít mean to offend you. Are you alright?

Emma: Of course I am. What does Irene want with him now?

Ann: She wanted to say goodbye. Theyíre going up to London to do some filming in a few days, and she was in the advance team, or something like that.

Emma: Well, thatís good news. I mean, for Frank. Heís quite lost his head over her. It will be good for them to have a break.

Ann: Will it? I thought he looked happy for a change.

Emma: Oh, Ann, donít be daft. Of course heís happy. He thinks sheís some long lost love, some student he mooned over years ago come back to him. I donít know what sheís thinking. I mean, Frankís a dear, but heís not exactly well.

Ann: Didnít seem to bother youÖ

Emma: Well I sussed it out, didnít I? I just hate to see him get hurt again. And he will, you know. Sheíll get fed up with living in his world, and sheíll bolt. She wonít be able to face it anymore. Sheíll still care for him, of course, but sheíll just lose her ability to cope.

Ann: Emma, none of my business, but is this about Frank, or is this about you?

Emma: Itís about you asking me where Frank is. Thatís all.

Ann: Okay. Well, if you see himÖ

Emma: Iím NOT going to see him.

Ann: Oh, never mind. Forget I mentioned it!

Simon: I really need to tell you something about the wedding list.

Ann: Is it Jackie? You want to invite her, but you think I'll be upset.

Simon: Yes, wellÖ

Ann: It's O.K. Invite the witch, she can sit with Phil and Caroline. It'll give me some comfort to have them at each otherís throats.

Simon: It's not Jackie. It's not Jackie I was worried about. There's someone else.

Ann: Another ex from the past? Invite who you want Simon, though I'm not sure what you're trying to prove.

Simon: It's worse than that.

Ann: Worse? Oh good God! Don't tell me youíre already married. Not now.

Simon: No. I think I should invite my mother.