|Eclipse: Nothing to Fear?
|Residents of Puckering should have nothing to fear from the coming
eclipse according to Frank Churchill, resident hermit at Stoney Grove. "Ancient
people saw it as a sign of the end, but so far it never was. They would fall to their
knees and pray for the the Sun to return and so far it has, which they then saw as sign of
The Reverend L. Nigel Banks was also unperturbed by the coming
solar event. When asked if he saw it as a portent for the coming millennium he laughed.
"All this stuff about the end of the world is pretty silly really," he
said. "We create our own dates, and our own crises, as proved by the Y2K problem. I
rather think God uses an altogether different calendar."--Nigel Twicks
Litter Problem May Ruin Chances for Best Village
|A strange collection of litter may have ruined the chances of Puckering
in the Annual Best Village competition this year. Colonel Bratherton was taking his early
morning constitutional when he came across several small piles of keys up and down the
High Street. He moved them out of sight, but worse was to follow. Residents reported
finding empty wallets outside of the pub, a collection of old purses by the Post Office
and almost a hundred old and broken watches scattered by the village pond. "I have no
idea where these came from, or why they are here," said a clearly exasperated Colonel
Bratherton. "This individual has brought disrepute on the village. It's desperately
disappointing after we did so much to put things back in order after the storm. I hope the
local police will find this hooligan and prosecute him to the full extent of the law. We
should bring back the birch!" Whether or not the litter was observed by
Competition judges remains unknown, since the date and time of their inspections is a
closely guarded secret.--Nigel Twicks
And the New Beer is....
|Order a pint of Nun's Habit
and you'll now be helping the Upper Puckering Parish Church. The Reverend Nigel
Banks declared himself delighted with the whole competition. "We had a number of
suggestions and many of them were even publishable," he enthused. "The money is
needed more than ever and I really hope that the Village Idiot will see a lot more trade
and that we'll all benefit as a result."--Nigel Twicks
Links are provided as a service to our
readers. The Puckering Gazette has no control over the content of the sites linked
to, nor does the link imply any endorsement of the Gazette by these sites.
For news and information about
Puckering contact the Puckering Gazette: firstname.lastname@example.org
|Puckering Profiles: Simon Tinsley -
Ever a Commoner?
|Is there no class in English society? One can now look at Simon Tinsley
who, in buying Stoney Grove, has taken upon himself a role in village society to which he
was not born. Despite a broken home--his mother and father divorced when he was a
teenager--he remains a family man. Recently, he brought his father to live with him
at the house he shares with fellow lottery winner Ann Simmons. While Tinsley sometimes
seems dismissive of his position he has become very aware of the importance of the great
house in England." In a way it was leaving England that made me appreciate it, that
and meeting Ann and becoming excited by her deep love of history. After leaving college I
just wanted to see something different and the States seemed to be where it was
happening." Tinsley worked in computers and was dealing with the Y2K problem. It was
there that he met Ann Simmons and there that they purchased the fated lottery ticket that
bought them their current success.
Tinsley is becoming more used to the expectations of
the village-- "we help where we can"-- and the Reverend Banks can be assured of
his helping the church restoration at the Village Idiot. "When I was in the States I
really missed good beer and curry, that and cricket of which there was absolutely no
coverage." Still interested in technology Simon is working with Emma Knytleigh, a
young student, to put information about Stoney Grove on the World Wide Web, which he
describes as a way of making the house public and giving people some access to it.
As for future plans, Tinsley isn't making any. Fate has shown itself to have a very
capricious hand, he says. "Look at us, who would have thought it!" Who
indeed. --Nigel Twicks
Cricket at Stoney Grove
|Even in a great storm there can be a silver lining and for Nigel Morcombe
it showed in a chance conversation at the Idiot. "We were discussing the lack of
suitable spaces in England to play cricket when Nigel Twicks pointed out that in the 19th
century several games were played at Stoney Grove. A call to cricket enthusiast, and
present owner, Simon Tinsley ensued, a groundsman was dispatched and with some hard work
it appears that the last game of the season may yet grace the lawns of the great house.
For the edification of our readers this week the Gazette carries an
account of a famous game played at Stoney Grove
in 1882, the 100th anniversary of the house being built. (see Sports).