The Puckering Gazette
|Volume XXVII, No. 19||
Saturday, June 26, 1999 50p.
Cuppa with Shirley
Call Me Roland
The finding of a rat in the Public Toilets in Upper Puckering has opened up a considerable controversy in the County Council. Mrs. Morcombe, who saw the creature, described it as small and black. The suggestion is that this is another in several sightings of the Black Rat, Rattus rattus, thought to have been driven out of England by its cousin the brown rat more than 200 years ago. Further supporting this is the fact that Mrs. Morcombe said that the rat leapt at her, a known characteristic of this rodent. Unfortunately Mrs. Morcombe swung her handbag at the creature, squashing it against the wall. Local health official Mark Butlins commented, "There's not much you can deduce from a smear on a toilet wall."
When asked about the possibility that this may have been the rare Black Rat, Mrs Morcombe replied "A rat is a rat, isn't it?" - Nigel Twicks
Profiles: Homeowners Look to Him for Some Good Ad-Vyse
Most days find Chester Vyse doing what he loves
most--peering into damp cellars, climbing atop sagging roofs, or tapping at walls for dry
rot or rising damp. Since 1988, Vyse has combined his post as Puckering's Chief
Building Inspector with his passion for the past. As the county's liaison with
English Heritage, Vyse not only studies old buildings; he keeps them looking old by
upholding regulations and imposing fines for those whose wish to modernise endangers their
Vyse admits that some people think he's a nuisance. "You always meet the bloke who wants a satellite dish, or the lady who paints her half-timbered cottage pink," he sighs. "It's hard to make them understand that they have to respect the building." Whilst this may occasionally be the case, it's clear that most Puckering residents have no difficulty respecting Chester Vyse.--Nigel Twicks
-- Screaming Lord Sutch
The Puckering Gazette would like to note, with sadness, the passing of entertainer and politician Screaming Lord Sutch. Absurdity highlights the inadequacy of the system, and many of us on election night waited for the pompous voice that was obliged to annouce the results of The Monster Raving Looney Party. Lord Sutch bought pleasure and fun and it seems a tragedy that in the end he couldn't enjoy it as much as we did.
BBC News: Screaming Lord Sutch
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