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Summary Page

This page contains most of the content from the main 'story line' characters. It is designed to allow an easy way of keeping up with the story on slow connections (or for reading later). It is, of course, no substitute for the real thing!

Cuppa with Shirley
Ann's Letters
Simon's e-mail
Puckering Gazette

Cuppa with Shirley

"Come in, come in! Martin said he ran into you down in the village and thought you might pop ‘round. I’ll just go put the kettle on...Well, so you’re wanting to hear about the new owners, are you? They’re a pair, I’ll tell you. Still, it's better than the old place falling to total ruin, though to be honest it’s near enough to ruin now. Anyway, he thinks he should have been born here. Walks around pretending to know something about buildings, going on about Palladio and somebody Kent. His family though--real fairground stock. Louise Wilton knew the family when they lived in London and doesn’t have a good word to say. Parents divorced years ago and moved away. Don’t know how he managed to scrape together enough to go to the States, but he did, and that’s where he met her. She’s a bit more posh, but then, she’s American. Quiet, really, not at all what you would expect. They’re not married, you know. I suppose they will be before too long, but so far they haven’t felt the need. A bit naughty, don’t you think? Anyway, they bought the place--she’d never even seen it-- and moved in a week ago Thursday. I was down in Cornwall visiting my sister, so I missed all the commotion, but Martin was beside himself. They made a fearful mess of the garden. "Not to worry, Martin" Simon says, as if he were going to be out there the next day with a rake and a bag of grass seed. She didn’t say a word. Never mind. Anyway, I came back from Vera’s on the Monday, and set about trying to stay out of their way while they poked and pried around the place. Until they get those bloody big boxes unpacked and stop knocking holes in walls and things there isn’t much I can do is there, especially at my age with the arthritis creeping in? Still I expect things will settle down soon enough, won’t they?. Oh, there’s the kettle..."

Ann's Letters

Stoney Grove
Mid-Puckering
West Sussex
U.K.

Dear Amy,
Sorry it's been awhile; it's been really hectic. The big news, as you've probably figured out by the stamp, is that I'm in England. I got here about a week ago on one of those endless overnight flights. I’m still too cheap to fly first class, so I was crammed into row 42 with four drunken frat boys from Cornell and a screaming baby in front of me.

England is beautiful, even in late winter. So far the weather's been okay and I've been able to do a lot of exploring. Simon and I spent a few days in London as tourists—we saw Westminster Abby, the Tower, the V&A—and had a great time. (They had some wonderful images of 11^th century nuns at the British Museum). Simon's been great (or "brilliant" as they say here). I really think he's the most caring, sensitive man I’ve ever known. I haven't met any of his family yet, 'though there are rumors of a visit from his father.

We're staying in an old house on the downs. The nearest villages, each about two miles away, are Upper and Lower Puckering. Odd little places. The house is called Stoney Grove and is a massive pile of masonry on   hundreds of acres of land. There's a lake, the remnants of an orchard and garden and lots of walking paths, although it's all somewhat run down.

So, how's life in the sunny Caribbean? Are you not writing because you've got too much material to review and make sense of, or because you're too busy playing? Let me guess… Not much risk of men in bikinis here at the moment, which is a relief, since most of the men I've seen (except Simon) are definitely not the bikini type. But I suppose they're the same ones who go on vacation to the West Indies and whip out their Speedos. Lucky you!

So—that's it for now. Be good, work hard, and write soon.

Love,
Ann

P.S. You can reach me at the address above. Did I mention we bought the place?

Simon's e-mail

> From: Simon Tinsley [simontitley@stoneygrove.com]
> Sent: April 1, 1999
> To: E-mail administrator
> Subject: E-mail address
Please establish my new email account with the name SimonTinley.
Thanks!
Simon

From: E-Mail Administrator
Sent: April 1, 1999
To: Simon Tinsley
Subject: New E-mail Account
Your e-mail account has been set up with the user name of Simontitley@stoneygrove.com
E-mail and be happy!

From: E-Mail Administrator
Sent: April 3, 1999
To: Simon Tinsley
Subject: New E-mail Account
You may find that in England a little politeness goes a long way. I am sorry that we got your e-mail address wrong. I'm sure you Americans have been doing this for years but we're new at it!

We apologise for the earlier error. Once again we welcome you to your new e-mail account. Your e-mail account has been set up with the user name of Simontinsley@stoneygrove.com
Be happy!

From: Phil Porkridge
Sent: April 4, 1999
To: Simon Tinsley
Subject: You Git
Three years and now you drop me a note and tell me hello. Only the fact that you said something about coming into money made me even consider replying.

> From: Simon Tinsley [simontitley@stoneygrove.com]
> Sent: April 4, 1999
> To: Phil Porkridge
> Subject: This and That
It’s amazing. We won the lottery in America and when I found this house was on the market we bought it. Everything has changed so quickly. The place is incredible, enormous rooms that just go on and on. Ann noted that it hasn’t been cleaned very much recently but we have servants! It’s a bit awkward dealing with them, but I could get used to it. Shirley is the housekeeper and full of news, her husband is the gardener and has yet to speak. It’s all a bit of a shambles actually, one brick from falling down, cold at night with the bathrooms in really odd places. One is still flushing from yesterday in marked contrast to another which is blocked. Still the first night in the main bedroom was glorious, and having to use candles made it even more romantic. Ann is brilliant, she actually knows something about this stuff and is going to research the building and history. We plan to restore the house to it’s former glory and support local charities and travel.
Hope you and Jackie are doing well and I’d like to see you soon.
Simon

From: Phil Porkridge
Sent: April 7, 1999
To: Simon Tinsley
Subject: You Lucky Bastard

Three years of being completely ignored are henceforth forgotten since you are now rich and here. I can’t believe you won the lottery. We’re still in Compton but I married Caroline not Jackie and you were invited. The place is much the same except that the Coach and Horses has changed hands. Who’s Ann!!!!!!!

Puckering Gazette

Lead Story
Early yesterday afternoon, Simon Tinsley, representing himself and co-purchaser Ann Simmons, sank their American lottery winnings into Stoney Grove, the ancestral home of the Blake family. The two paid an undisclosed sum for the house, estate and contents. A spokesman for the firm of David and David, the solicitors who had been holding the house in trust for the last four years, said simply, "We are very glad to get rid of it."

"This is a marvelous property and it is wonderful that it has gone to such energetic young people with the funds to restore Stoney Grove to the architectural gem that it once was," remarked Selwyn Black of Selwyn Black Estate Agents of London and Upper Puckering on the day the papers were signed, noting that other prestige properties were listed with his firm.

The current members of staff were provided for by the late Montgomery Hall and are assured of jobs for life.  --Nigel Twicks

Other Stories...
Church Bazaar a Disappointment
The spring Church Bazaar was held in the Upper Puckering church hall last Saturday and raised 137 pounds, thirty pence. Asked to comment on success of the event, vicar Nigel Banks said "Frankly, it’s a little disappointing. We have such needs at the moment and I am hoping that something will come along to help." Amongst the sale items were some unusual culinary treats from Shirley Johnson and an abstract painting by Nigel Worthington’s goldfish that went for one pound. Asked if other great works were in the offing, Mr. Worthington admitted that the fish had not survived the exercise. --Nigel Twicks

"Flu-Like" Symptoms Flatten Puckering
Twenty seven residents of Upper and Lower Puckering were taken to hospital on Sunday complaining of high fever and stomach upset.  All were treated and released within 24 hours, although symptoms persisted amongst some for several days.   This is the first such attach of widespread illness this year, and doctors are puzzled by its virulence and timing.  While health professionals have no explanation, Dr. Nigel Waterfall noted that the onset of symptoms directly following the Church Bazaar may "not be coincidental."--Nigel Twicks

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